Happy New Year !

                                       
                                          

In this form, a₁, a₂, …, a_n are the coefficients, x₁, x₂, …, x_n are the variables, and b is the constant. When dealing with three or fewer variables, it is common to replace x₁ with just x, x₂ with y, and x₃ with z, as appropriate.

Won't take up anything on algebra and disappoint an anticipating mind ! But this was just the right equation to sum up this year for me.  Year after year, it's b's struggle to balance itself out as a constant. That 'b' could be either of us. There are variables with varied proportionalities affecting his existence negatively or positively. Some just zeroing out and others in a hip-hop, zig-zag tandem, completing what you would call - the rhythm of life..

Most of these variables being people - learned, unlearned, burdened, unburdened and undergoing their own learning curves. Leaving 'b' with a feverish sense of self sometimes - which would for months give it sleepless nights interspersed with vomits of acid and numbness incomparable. And at others, a comforting warmth of a mother's protection of her infant.

There are the one's, self-assured of perfection, committing deeds comparable to any indistinguishable mortal. Not that I alienate myself but I was always a seeker - failing, faltering and succeeding. So I never knew the difference. But like every other non-conclusive year on 'knowing' things - this ends on a similar, though a very drawn out, melodramatic  note !

There have been some beautiful artifacts in terms of human goodness and softer emotions which I always treasured. Lot of it had been an object of mockery and misunderstanding, and it has taken a while for me to reconcile. No time is enough for people to understand you and vice-versa. And hence I don't see an end to conflicts. I had to assume some extremely familiar people as dead, pass them by like they were just apparitions - it was atrociously funny and it still is ! But if it's ordained this way - I can only concede because I live anyway..

Hoping there's something new in this New year.

Wish there are pleasant surprises which hold your breath time and again.That nature rocks you to sleep and eases you with caressing winds, which whisper lullabies into your ears when you're tired. And may it be the soft sun rays' that promise a peaceful, fruitful dawn that starts each of your day..

My greetings for this year. Wish you a very Happy 2012 :)

A trailer..

Sometimes your dreams come in compact packages !

It was a childhood fantasy to make a movie or at-least be a part of it. I got a taste of what it took to make one, in a hurried up morning till late night activity. It was sheer fun to discover the art and a lot of craft of making one. The Story, Screenplay, Acting, Direction, Cinematography and Editing, all happening under your nose, at an island-ish location..

Even though the product is rather run-of-the-mill, or great if you judge it as otherwise !  It's something that was consuming and enriching. I consider it as a trailer as I'm still quite greedy with what I really want :)

                            
        
Hope you like it !

On Marriage...

In the Indian context, I think this is one of the most talked about subject ! I don't get the reasons though. But now that I'm actually going through the process, popularly known as 'settling down', for quite a while now, I  can almost empathize with people, who go through the grind..

It can begin anytime during school, college, while in a job etc. And there is an upper age limit to it, mostly. Lower age limit, maybe yes - as formalization happens only after thresholds of manhood/womanhood are met. People taking an initiative towards this, are said to be in love and the others, like me, are caught unawares by the years passing by, until you start hitting the fateful numbers ! And then as your parents/relatives, find a 'suitable match' for you, you start creating 'the magic'.

It is evident from my posts that I travel quite a bit everyday - and a lot of this time is spent listening to various sounds, which put me to sleep or attune my mind to an abstract, tiring concentration.. The various sounds are the groan of my bus, hisses and hushed whispers of lovers and fiances, catching up after a days' work (somehow married people prefer to sleep ! :D ), chitchats of friends, some music if I have my earphones on, horns of vehicles whizzing by and some noise of crowd outside..


I could be an outlier, or at-least, I feel like one ! But I've very earnestly tried to understand and contemplate the importance such institutions...and the way people perceive them to be. There's a huge difference between love and sexual love. Between friends and boy/girl-friends ! Love and friends look dispensable..'true love' doesn't ! So much so, that as if to highlight an object as fairer/lighter, you paint it's background darker, grosser - to vindicate your stand for a person, you would highlight the imperfections of the world around you..especially when your lives are not congruent..And this has not been my isolated experience, with one person. But again, these views could be partisan..

Another interesting attitudinal change I observe as people get into a 'relationship' (like others are not), is a heightened sense of insecurity..maybe it's to do with a perceived lack of sexual freedom- that the little that we have is worth guarding from everything inauspicious. But what beats me is, that people who are not into one, are generally taken to be indulging in a sort of 'voyeurism', even when the exhibits are in public spaces...and are mostly confined to dropping hints to partners.

Similarly, for a youth, passion, care and concern are more ascribed to man/woman love than a platonic association.In recent times, in fact, a deep platonic association is read as an 'abnormality' by many !

When if you look at it from my perspective, I feel almost floundering in the dark when it comes to such matters.My sense of practical wisdom had not been taken kindly by many, though time stood by me, and lately, it's also been understood as a trickery..and I'm bemused to the core of my being..

All said and done, I think people would need people beside them always. Marriages(love and otherwise) tend to give a longevity to such associations. In the end if it makes you feel anchored someway, it must be good :)

Farce and Wide..

‘So this was about Appreciative Intelligence.

Let’s look at only what’s right with this world, you know, everything positive…’

‘Nice thought.. but Sir, How do you ignore all that is negative and wrong with it ?’

‘Yeah, good question.. Let’s open it up for the audience..

 Or we could do it later maybe.. it’s winters and we are awaited at home, we should leave..’

The group winds up for the day, I know it was an important question and it had been lost for good...

It’s never a fair idea to stick like a leech to things which emanate rot and decay, but how much would you defeat your own balking mind and your meandering experience, which is both sweet and sour.

Wanted to delve in a little with what’s wrong with this world. Things that I come across and those that have a deep impact !

To begin with the occupational hazards, those accrue with my job, and quite literally so. 

Perception and impression management are the things that were conveniently missed out of the JD. And believe me, that’s more than 50% of the job I do ! And a more troubling fact is that it is unabashedly accepted as a norm. And close to a 100% job being done by many !.

I’m treated like a lady in its closest approximation (strict approximation, may I say !). Though it misses  my idea by miles, there are people who think they know better… And to my sheer distress, I’m learning the sorry art of abusing privileges.

Well, my context has proven to be better than me in a lot of other ways. I just wished it hadn’t been such a bloody adversary. I would’ve been happier with a little less.. 

And then, there are cliques getting formed, in a rather sartorial way of patronizing cultures and languages. I find my contemporaries embracing European languages and culture (to an extent)over anything more at home. I understand economics, but let’s chew on this, a little:

Across the globe, we are losing 2 languages every month. Most, succumbing to English – as it has become the language of the currency and hence of people. It’s my preferred language too, but more as a lack of choice. My friends, even those learning languages for sheer literary pleasure, like to learn French or Italian, instead of the many ‘Indian’ languages. And many who feel a sense of shame in practicing the cultural practices (in ceremonies  etc.), because they look so pedestrian ! (Of course, need not to mention the frailties that have crept in because of the nonchalance..)

This, when the world is still deliberating on whether, globalization is proving to be a boon or a bane. Europe’s economic turmoil, global meltdowns have been definite repercussions of a highly integrated world.  And Russia has been better off as a part of CIS than being a huge USSR. Europe – in a hindsight ,would definitely weigh the option to dismantle EU as Dollar spends sleepless nights to retain its primacy..

To add more on what’s wrong :

There’s almost a 50:50 ratio of male/female populations. Till 90’s, all womanhood had just 1% share in real estate across the globe. I’m not sure how improved the figures stand today. And come to think of it, if as a penalty, your daughter or your wife or you, are sexually assaulted or raped or burnt, or for an exchange of a kg of salt, you part with a few kgs of dry fruits or you face unimaginable exploitation for generations and term ‘the disease of hunger’ as the cause of death or you find begging as a preferred occupation – where could you be ? We could’ve done well to prevent a world war III, but civil wars look impending !

These are the times of contextual morality. And it’s really sad when you have a first hand experience of the same. There’s a lot that I can only sense that’s within me, which would perhaps, not find an expression through words. And a lot that I can sense about the people around me, the impressions - which fade or reinforce with time.

 I would park my reservations on the subject here, but one thing that accentuates is, that, none of us knows the ‘truth’ of anything… , speculations are abound and we convince ourselves of our ‘knowledge’… , fear of losing is steadfast, even when nothing’s at stake! 

By the By..

I come after a long hiatus here - believe there’s something to pour out !

The months gone by and the years of late have been life-changing, personally and professionally. Though I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to strike off a number of significance from my wish-list, there have been things which have kept on adding. And others, that have left a lingering void and thus, a wonder for life. It’s almost a solemn grace with which life is revealing itself with each passing day, as I sit and marvel its continued romance.

Some of my best possessions (or so I like to believe), in terms of people who dearly touched my life, have slowly moved on – with marriage, death and life in general. And I feel so indebted, that they helped me to be better than myself, even when I didn’t meet their idea of perfection. Professionally, so far, every change has been a fresh start for me !

In this passing-by, all that I always thought was dynamic, somewhere held the promise of a constancy and I wanted to believe. But the hypnotism just makes it more livable for the time-being. Transitions are sudden, or so I felt - never giving you enough time to be practiced.

Most of the life gets relegated to thoughts and memories. Memories which come rushing in like waves of a sea, filling you in with freshness and excitement, and the ones that recede into the same vastness, taking away the sand beneath your feet, as you struggle to find a firm foundation. And thoughts, what to say of them ? A constant companion and perhaps, the only constant companion..  

Till sometime back, I used to travel from my workplace to my home (a considerable distance), and would witness the transition from day to dusk to dark, as the world around me would lose all its color slowly – and transform into solid dark mass – kept alive and colorful, with all that is humanly possible.

Towards the end of this journey every day, I would pass by a cremation ground beset with a couple or more pyres still ablaze with prominent reflections in the river, alongside. A liberating scene, in the sense, that all the discords, hate, love and warmth would be laid to rest despite the wishes and wants -  and therefore, there’s some meaning in letting go.. 

Apple of the i

Jerry of the IT space is no more. Woke up to a Dushehra morning and to the news of Steve Jobs’ death. I’m not the kinds who would reach out for a newspaper or a news channel at the start of a day, but these days news follow you from unexpected corners of  the world (considering that the world is flat !).

There are lots who are hooked on to the latest and share the thoughts ‘in their minds’. Most of the thoughts today were to wish him peace, irrespective of the toughness the gentleman exhibited as a leader. A little offbeat, and somewhere I feel more honest and genuine amongst his competitors. His life was a story – personally and professionally. The disowned, the claimant, the claimed, the recluse, the loser and the winner. Don’t know if that’s life or life’s that..

He, the Jerry, who changed the landscape a lot of times and the piped piper who’d been a vanguard of innovation. And ‘it just worked’, invariably. There’s a whole genre of people who would vouch by the power of  the ‘i’ today. I’m a laggard, so you could count me out ! But I admire the mind of the man who could start a whole religion of sorts – the  iPod, iPhone, iOS, iPad, iCloud.. And taking the cue are the Androids, the Symbians, the RIMs, the Palms et al.

Smart devices are a rage. With more and more of the world condensing in small gadgets. There’s a whole world revolving around the idea of ‘Mobile’. From personal to professional - all the space has become ‘virtual’.  I’m definitely in the party, though do take time out to get over the hangover !

There’s a lot that is to come – Jonathan’s Starbucks card and your child’s school perhaps, but let’s just hope that like there are 75 lac colors but we have only 4000 odd English words to express  them (with the help of ‘light’ and ‘dark’) – we don’t restrict ourselves to how virtually enabled we are. There’s a lot more to us !

___________________________________________________________________________

* With all due respect to the departed soul, this was something I couldn't resist posting !

http://www.forbes.com/sites/kylesmith/2011/10/12/steve-jobs-was-a-lousy-role-model/

Tonight ..

I drive to home tonight like everyday. It's quite cold and there have been spells of snowfall during the day. It's snowing still as I see the flakes silently settling down on my windshield. The road looks awash with fresh melted water, as the sides are still guarded by white fences. There are a few souls, carrying umbrellas, scurrying down to their homes, as there's a forecast of more in store. The town is covered with a white all over - the sloping roofs of the houses, the trees and almost everything that's not moving. A perfect foil to a night that's pretty dark and silent.The contrast evinced by the silver streetlights, with their rays laden with mist.

I'm mostly home-bound at this time, and the empty roads look inviting for my mind to delve into the secrets they whisper in my ears.My gaze rarely shifts from my cherished friend, whose company I long for, whenever I seek some solace. There's music playing in the stereo - and some familiar tunes do register as my heart pulsates in a rhythm with them. It being cold, my breath is deep and calm. But I can see those eyes again. Like I have been seeing, for so many days now..

The eyes of my subject.

My subject met with an accident. She damaged her right hand some months ago. My internship at the hospital has been entirely based on the clinical procedures to cure her hand. It had been an awful accident, which had almost left her hand useless. After much effort, the doctors could get it in a shape after multiple operations. When I saw her reports the first time, it looked beyond repair. The pain that she went through was heart-rending. In my most secret and sacred moments I prayed that it be amputated - a selfishness of not being able to withstand the misery or maybe the only way that I saw her deliverance..

These had been very difficult prayers, as over a period of time, she was not merely my subject. She was a woman whom I had come know very closely. She had been an individual strong, headstrong and vulnerable.Very attractive in her purity and pristine in her innocence. So full of imagination and freedom, despite her impediments.


I took upon myself to draw her into the criminal idea to go limb-less. She could hate me for life for that. Not that the thought hadn't crossed her mind. But despite the pain, it was a horrendous thought to entertain - she was a well- known painter...

Since childhood she had captured some of the most exquisite frames of life, through her subtle sense of discrimination. To not paint, would render into the death of someone who defined her all this while. An identity-crisis, that would confront her with a stranger she hadn't known.

I hated myself for being so convinced. I spent days looking in her eyes, as she spoke, discovering the uncertainty, the despair, hope and confusion. A deep sense of disbelief as to why she was 'chosen'..We would talk for hours as I would emphasize that there's more she could look at, her beautiful voice to begin with.. etc. etc. With every conversation I would feel a little hopeful, and a little stupid.. and it went on till today..

Her report says, that her nerves are not getting revived. The blood circulation cannot be restored after all the endeavors. That amputation is as close as reality and this at the fag end of my internship, has left me as blank as her own eyes..we have not spoken much for a few days now - like two tired souls, who've given into the insurmountable fact.

My life has not been a dream-run by any stretch of imagination, but this was proving to be a nightmare. For a long time when you know that you're losing something/someone precious by trickles, it hurts and hurts immensely..

I've reached home, the snowfall is a little heavy..I hope I can catch some sleep and a sweet dream too, for a respite !

     

A Bohemian's Blues

Man is the product of his environment. (Masculine is only a generalization here).

In my search for an individuality, environment is what has caught my fancy of late. Re-wording it as culture makes it a huge ocean in which I rest for a while as it flows through as thoughts that were heard and resonated.

Culture more in behavioral and literary terms has been moulding generations of humanity across geographies. Like chunks of rocks being turned into ordered and dimensional bricks while constructing great pieces of architecture - it also serves a similar purpose of building a behemoth of a civilization.The awe that these monuments of human perseverance and imagination kindle, even for the mason who had been instrumental in shaping it - is similar to the sentiments experienced by the people of a civilization too..the awe which is inspiring at times and intimidating at others !

On a wider base this word looks all-encompassing, but as it gets broken into silos - every individual seems to be defining some and confining to others. I don't see the generalizations of Protestant and Catholic cultures as they have come to be defined in recent times. Intriguing it is though, that some patterns do lend  our existence as predictable.

90% of world trade happens through the sea-route. And in that sense, most of the countries of the eastern hemisphere have been naturally disadvantaged. With a majority lying huddled together, they are void of passages in between, necessary for the proliferation of material and thought. And these have been interestingly the nations which are known for a Catholic culture - one that lays emphasis on 'self' and it's matters, with bare minimum emphasis on the physicality of being. Leading them to a natural consequence of material inferiority.

The other half - the western or protestant cultures, which are the pioneers of 'individual' thought - are visibly the fairer and better-off cousins. Materialism finds an agreement with them. The number of researches and innovations for lifestyle improvements are vindictive of the fact. On the flip-side, that makes the oriental - a mystique, a birthplace of major religions and a spiritual mecca..
 
As an aside, there are parallels that can be drawn with the human mind too. People governed more by the eastern(feminine/right) brain - dealing with the softer side of a personality, emotions, feelings et al.. and the others with the western(masculine/left) brain - handling the logical, statistical ability of an individual. More or less their dispositions are predictable and so is their material well-being. Men and women with dominant left and right respectively have been understood on similar lines.

Sometimes I am amazed at the extent of amalgamation that an individual undergoes under influences that are mostly beyond his/her control. And to think differently than an accustomed pattern becomes quite an impossibility. In that sense, all of us are prejudiced, beyond our understanding of ourselves.There have been tenets laid down which are meant to be a torchlight, of how things should be done and how the motivations be directed. But what bothers me is whether it's (for the sake of a contrast) the 'American  profit' or the 'Japanese growth' (the two divergent theories) which can deliver us ? Or is it something else that we're looking for, which is neither of them..

In the context of human relationships too, the lines between right and wrong, just and unjust, love and hate are hazy. The contours they define keep varying with time, space and people. And sometimes that renders into hurts that are never intended and pain that is inflicted unknowingly..

If rebirth is a possibility or if I'm the maker of my own destiny - I'm floating cluelessly !


      

It's all gassss..

Now that's been a job for a while for me !

So, Australia considers culling its camel population - around a modest 6000 out of the 1 million - for offsetting the carbon emissions/earning carbon credits by getting rid of the farting/burping animal ! As curious as it gets, on an average, a camel apparently produces methane equivalent of 1 tonne of carbon dioxide every year- making it one of the biggest emitters of the greenhouse gases. And Australia, by some measures, is the highest emitter in the world.

Another interesting fact from the story is that, Camel is not a  native specie of Australia.. It had been brought there to navigate through the sprawling mass of the continent. Its deserts - to be more specific. But the ingenuity of human mind has given more robotic, tireless and comfortable options for travel today. And unfortunately that has made these creatures redundant for human consumption. They are even being considered as a threat to the desert ecology - and this wisdom has dawned after a 100 years, since the camels were first brought there !

I wonder if any mortal cared to know as to why the animal had been emitting so much ? Was it a change for it too ? Had it also been undergoing the pangs of a 'culture shock' that translated into a messy abdomen and would a rehabilitation help ? I could agree on economic terms, that the animal has lost its opportunity cost, but that would be valid if I could survive by eating dollars..!

This could just be a trigger for the many disturbing questions that crowd out my reasoning mind...What the hell is the hullabaloo about sustaining ? And more than that, how are we addressing it.. or dressing it maybe !

Countries emitting more carbon can offset it by buying carbon credits from countries engaged in projects to reduce them and effectively emitting less. But climates are locale specific. No doubt Westerly winds, Trade winds etc. will continue to revolve around the globe and there will be climate change - but how would it ever happen that the Amazon forests ('the lungs of the world' ) would convert the Sahara Desert into a wetland ! The onus of natural fecundity would always rest with the populace of the specific geography..

It seems businesses are running out of ideas. After failing miserably with some financial instruments, based on fictitious money in the recession of 2008, which I see as a superlative of greed (not profit, really) - they are on a lookout for a face-lift - so, the wool in the eyes is not cleared ! Yesterday it was - Product,Price, Promotion and Place. Today it's the innocuous 3 more - People, Planet and Profit. We got to sell, you know ! And among the howling noises of the activists(social, political, animal,environmental, gender etc. etc. ) who have got a new life of late, this would be given room, in all  likelihood..

It's about 'gas', no doubt..but why does it have to be 'all gas' !


        

The Walk..

Onwards into the horizon,
Where the sun of my hopes and dreams,
Rises every morning,
And shines on my life's streams.

Beautiful is the oasis,
From which I sip the nectar of life,
And rejoice my fortune,
Which is swelling ripe.

But somewhere I love misery too,
More than what it spells for me -
For I feel hungry on a full stomach,
Tired on a restful day,
Engrossed, when the mind is in disarray.

I marvel at the shadows, I befriend,
And the pain I feel at their loss !
And still sleep in anticipation of finding,
Something new, something dearly sought..

         

Much ado about something !

Mother's/Junior Horlicks with DHA - A product for healthy mothers and healthy and 'smart' babies.

IIPM - rated to have the maximum 'intellectual impact'.

Happened to listen to a spiritual guru who explained about 'FSP' (Fixed Stimulus Plan, if I recollect it well!) To expatiate a little, an ostrich would love a doll if it could make the sound of its young one and would fail to recognize its own offspring, if it doesn't produce the sound. And human beings also more or less respond similarly defying their logical and emotional abilities. That is - compliments and warmth evoke compassion and joy, contrary emotions are evoked by criticism and hate.

Another interesting event happened, when a consultant called up for a job opening at a software development firm. While discussing the practices and processes at the represented organization - he mentioned 'peer programming' and 'test programming' among a few. A little bit of a detail would tell any programmer that that's a way of working for her/him, even otherwise, sans the terms !

On a different note - young individuals seeking partners have come up with a new dimension of a 'mental/emotional fit' along with other parameters that they look for in a matrimonial alliance. 

So the point here is that when there is a talk of consumer driven or consumer driving markets - I see abstraction as an idea - an emerging trend. One can't quantify smartness, intellectual impact etc. or validate it scientifically, and thus it can't really be challenged or met absolutely. People associate differently with any/each of these, and so it becomes a safe bet. Would like to spare a thought on why and how a consumer has started thinking this way - which gives life to such campaigns..

In these times of seamless connectivity - knowledge has become a commodity. There's an avalanche of information available on a few movements of the fingertips. And when we talk of the sources of power - knowledge has it's own undisputed claim. Intellectualism has been a revered trait since times immemorial. But years ago, any act qualifying to belong to that category had years of research and perspiration going into it's making. Perhaps, that was the reason why there were few intellectual giants..

Today most of the educated crowd has access to the pertinent repository in a matter of milli/micro seconds - thanks to the very efficient search engines ! This is giving rise to a different genre of consumers altogether. To drive him/her or be driven by his/her needs, an appeal beyond the utility of the product has to be made. An exclusivity is desired by every owner of perhaps even the same product. Abstraction and some 'intelligent' terms make it attractive in a many-of-its-kind market, as every owner has a right to interpret in his/her own way.

But this triggers another debate of sorts. If our age is busy producing intellectual pygmies in search of a two-minute fame through similar tools of quick gratification, then this should suit just fine. But if the audience is knowledgeable now, then we are maturing towards a different age - for which, can this be a sustained strategy ? Because if not well complemented with the tangibles- this trickery could prove to be the death-knell in the long term.

Alive ?..really ?

Sun's rays dispersed carelessly on the placid waters of the river, emanate peace and calm as myriads of souls cross over the bridge above it everyday. But so much like the view is variously the life of many or all perhaps.

 'Underneath your clothes, there's an endless story.. ' (well only that much from the song for now !)

I cross this bridge everyday like so many others, for reasons that I don't comprehend too much, but here believing comes first !

The other day, I stopped by a TV channel showing the 'Great Migrations' of different species across the earth. One specie following the rains, the other following the forests, the third their prey in these two, the fourth the water current etc. etc. And it was as if they were all destined to migrate as an integral part of sustaining the food chain.One eats the other and both breed more and man eats all (well almost ! thanks to the gray matter which works for just about everyone)

Not that mere distance would evoke such philosophical sentiments, but from a bird's eye view, all the locomotion apparently fits us also somewhere in this race for survival.And for the many of my clan - who by all major parameters of survival, would survive - ironically look the most lifeless.

Survival takes its toll too !

Quiet a few quit for want of more or less from life. Many became the unsung heroes whose obituaries were written in the sands of time. The others - of whom I know through preserved inscriptions in stones, books and world literature. Not sure whether they would agree with these accounts about themselves, if alive or if only destiny was the rightful scribe. Because as I have seen it, when you're assuredly about to sing -  'All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go..', life tells you to sit down, loosen up, take a deep breath in, breathe out and Relaaxx ! And just when you're footloose and fancy-free, it hits you hard and makes you wake up to reality..

Personally I'm an ardent fan of the theory of Karma, but somehow I'm missing the inferences from the practical experiments. Its a Neti, Neti (not yet, not yet) for me so far..

Reflections..

It was early hours of an April morning. And as spring bade goodbye, it had left hints of freshness like the lingering fragrance of a perfume. Misha had been on her toes since wee hours of the morning. The clock struck 7:00 am, as she stood in-front of the mirror, checking herself. It was a day of its kind. Some excitement was let lose inside her, similar to what she had experienced before on her other ‘firsts’, but this was more intense.

After spending almost 22 years in the warm comfort and protection of her family and the reserved precincts of her town – the day had come to embark on a new expedition. Misha had got a job in a metropolitan city with a global organization. Today she was to get her wings ! Wings – that would take her thousands of miles away from things known, familiar and learnt, to a place unknown in every sense of the word. But like a fledgling preparing for its first flight, there was a little nervousness about everything – the instinctive fear of the unknown maybe.

As she scanned herself for the minutest flaws, that her naïve sense of grooming could uncover, she had an awkward feeling of the image in the mirror come alive. Absorbed in the moment, she reached out her hand. The time suspended its flow as she found herself walking down an alley springing up live images that gave her a sense of déjà vu.

The image of a toddler peeping into the mirror, and wanting to reach out to the one at the other end. A two year old kid smearing her lips with a maroon lipstick, which painted not just her lips ! A child of three in a uniform, all agog with excitement on her first day at school. A little further, a five yr old, dressed up proud in a red frock, a gift for her fifth birthday. And similar and more images softened her expression and moistened her eyes. As she kept walking she saw her adolescent self, so full of dreams and lost in wishful thinking – talking to herself in the mirror. And in a few others, this growing up lady, only lately acknowledging her feminine instincts, looking careful of her bearing.

  

“Misha ! It’s getting late. Hurry up ! “

It was her mom calling. The voice broke her trance.. She was standing in-front of the mirror, the clock showing 7:05 am. She felt she had been there for long. She made a move to depart. And as she stole a last glimpse at her mirror, she wondered if it has been a repository of her life – the events, the moods and the persons, that she’s been thus far. Or was it just a trip down the memory lane, which parting brings about as a consequence..

“I’m right there Ma ! Lets move..”

Beautiful Day

Much to the chagrin of Harold Camping, though nature came close to being a conspirator in the doomsday prophecy scandal - it parted ways mocking at the gentlemen, right at the outset. Camping perhaps wanted to do a Yahweh for an encore ! This has been the story from the National Capital Region (India) at-least.

Church's imagination of the world being sinful enough to not be able to to see Jesus incarnate, had once given a fillip to Kellogs' - a 'vegetarian' breakfast. We'll have to wait and see if there's more than what meets the eye here.

Amidst the deliberations over the existence of paradise and God by Stephen Hawking and a sounding board revelation by Camping, nature had it's last laugh, dancing away in wild frenzy for the whole of the weekend !

The last two days have been heavenly for the lesser mortals like me. For such days in the month of a sweltering May are unimaginable.With May 21st evening full of  'Lights, Sounds and Actions' and the day fresh like mint, Nature truly stole the show. Was a delight to watch pigeons, eagles, sparrows and other birds throw themselves aimlessly at the gusts of wind as they would carry them all over the sky. The wriggling trees drenching themselves in the rain with sounds of thunder and streaks of lightening, giving blushes to the miniature replicas created by us.

There were other sounds too, though. Those that were more scary than the validity of any such prophecy. Some 39 people lost their lives in Uttar Pradesh alone, because of heavy rains. Given how I know my country and the people at the helm of affairs, I'm sure these are doctored numbers. At a rather lesser level of shock are - the new born, unprotected, stray puppy in my colony which cried it's lungs out with its first encounter with the ferociousness..and perhaps the water-clogging, because of an isolated shower, which brought the people to a standstill in the most urbane part of my country !

We talk of a consternation over the end of this world.. Or has it well begun ? !

Wanderings..

Deep in the recesses of my mind, I hear the silence of my soul.  The garden of life, rife with the flowers blossomed afresh and the ones wilted at the hands of neglect. There’s a charm in the rawness of it all, even as it looks a poser – beckoning to prune it with my own hands.  As I’m drawn to get to its core and let passion rule, the flurry leaves a confounded sense of disbelief. I believe, I do and I don’t and I have to or is it just convenient. I evolve, but really, do I ever..?

To come to think of the consequential, the eventualities that could stall a journey called life – not sure if even death comes close ! And to think of a journey replete with meaning would lead to what .. ? And meaning is but a word, or just another word. Having scaled the heights of a language, defined thoughts that are otherwise only the impressions on my mind, I reconcile with the universality of my being.  But sometimes the truth of distinction and difference is glaring even after giving it euphemistic hues. The veil of sobriety covering the most hideous of a face and a make believe existence of it being all right, can't take away the viciousness of it all. And the most innocuous of all the expressions, for all that looks beyond my reach, in mending the ways I want to tread, is a little sigh that escapes and another breath as almost an immediate after- effect, replaces it unabashed and hopeful.

How I have been flirting with my thoughts, as mere entertainer for my being, that rests disinterested and removed from the antics of a desperate another being in me, yearning for an experience, indulging in the shenanigans - understood to be the basis of a reasoned life. A constant push and pull and the ultimate crashing into an unknown everyday which I call a routine is what I fade into. 

I sometimes wonder at the legacy of hope showered on us by the very fact of our being human beings. And it would be so unfair to deny its play and its hold in keeping one from reducing to a bundle of shreds. I hear the laughter, the chatter, the groan, the cry all rolled up in one voice and that voice is mine too. I end up partaking my own share of rain and sunshine as I feel it on my skin and as I isolate from the fact that it percolates that - which exists.

The awe for the marvels we see in life is perhaps its very nemesis. In the realms of imagination- the glitter and shine of success, fame, eloquence, love, peace, joy and tranquility will keep moving the mountains and the seas, for I will believe.

Being Alone

 

The head is heavy. I feel the weight as I move it a little. There’s a searing pain in the right temple, as I attempt to open my eyes. And as my eyes open like slits, one opens reservedly. I can feel some fluid blurring my vision of the one. The other seems fine still.

Slowly by pieces I feel the parts lying bundled together as one body, as I shudder to discover anything missing. In subdued expressions of pain – I try to figure out this eventuality. With some effort I rise up a bit to make some sense of what’s around. I see bushes long and short, thick vegetation, a deep canopy through which some sun has sneaked in here and there. There’s a nip in the air which smells of wild flora and fauna, and I lay awkwardly in the middle of all this. The place lacks any traces of human imprints and the eeriness of it refuses to sink down. As my heart beats to a crescendo I struggle to find out the reasons that have got me here.

Faint voices echo in my head-

‘We are flying 7000 feet above the sea-level. The weather is turbulent. Please fasten your seat-belts and remain seated. Please use emergency exits in case of an eventuality and do not panic’

This is the most livid nightmare I could’ve ever had. I pinch myself. I frantically look around. There are traces of a wreckage at a short distance. I long to see something or someone familiar now. But there’s an adamant refusal to any change I try to make to my position. In a sublimely conscious state I decide to savor this loneliness thrust upon me.

Not that this is the first time that I am alone, but it is unique in its own way. That this came as a sheer surprise is one. But the fact that living and dying hereon would be a case of conjecture rather than anticipation, is another.

So many times did I envisage in the loftiness of a pristine youth – the glamour of solitude, the exclusivity that somberness bestows on the beholder and the reverence that being sedate evokes – an antithesis to all that is wild, bold and loud. But like many other childhood notions – the growing up process has proved to be a coup-de-grace for these too. For life is perhaps a simple truth of a dawn, a day and a night. There’s not much within or beyond. There are facades more than what we are aware of. The ultimate struggle being a confluence of these. Where some prefer the decibels others prefer to go mute. Quietude and boredom could well be interchangeable and serenity might just be a cover for a brooding mind. In a similar vein – a boisterous mien, a cover for something sacred or secret, or a desperation to dodge the deafening noises within. Devious are our ways, even to ourselves.

I hear some ruffling of the leaves nearby. Some voices that I can’t fathom. I’m losing it again it seems and slipping into silence.

My Blog

Another blog is born today on May 10, 2011. The one thing that makes it special is the word 'My' associated with it. The reason as I see for letting it see the light of the day, is a transmogrification of a self, which seeks an expression beyond the limits permitted by the euphemistic truths and morals. As a witness to, verily, a phantom chase which has at times harnessed the flora and perfumed the wind, and at others, helped me reconcile with the  fallen autumn leaves - whose yellow mellows me down. As I await more green seasons, I'm oblivious of the fact of what I would reclaim from the times forgone. 

The interactions and transactions continue with the world around. There are threads that I seek to keep intact with the past and the present into the future forward. That I plan for years henceforth, is an interesting shift too, with the proven capacity of time to turn the events head-over-heels in a snap of fingers. 

Having lived, felt and reasoned the numbers that spell my age now - there's a lingering desire to share my world with my phantom cosmos. There's a certain belief of being heard. No qualms if that's a delusion again, as assumption that you're being heard by sentient beings, has not stood the test of time either !

Historical data serves an importance they say, in the empirical world of measures and forecasts. Memory serves it's utility too, in delving in the depths of time and restating the world in a retrospect.Comparative benchmarks being indispensable tools could be another debate but as an allowance for a simpler comprehension of existential angst, would override the rider.

My 'Taurian' blog should exude the traits of solidity, practicality, extreme determination and strength of will- coming from a popular site on astro-signs. If that's how it translates - hope it positively influences me and you !