Flicker

The candle had been melting slowly. Soft breeze almost flirting with the flame, tickling it here and there. I had been watching it with a purposeless, keen intent. With the rest of the world soaked in darkness, the interplay looked amusing. It were the wee hours of the night, with occasional bark of the dog and rustle of the leaves, as the wind caressed them. I sat right beside the candle, making some abstract association with it.

There had been a major technical snag and the people had been rendered 'powerless' and quite literally so. As I sat at  the window, enjoying the subtle, silent moves, that were only possible with the darkness- I noticed myself too - moving and dancing with the flame, on the opposite wall.

My rather stationary self had been playing all along, beyond my cognizance of the fact..I knew this would be a short game that would at the most, last till dawn. I looked out, peeping into the ocean of black. I got down from the window and blew the candle off. Game over !

All was one and I was one with all..

Cryptic Karma

‘It’s his karma and nothing else’, he said to the man with him as the third parted.

 I was standing in a queue, ahead of them, waiting for my order to be delivered. I took my packet and started for home. But somehow the conversation stayed with me, as I walked.  

There’s a lot of invocation of subjects as intricate as Karma, in our daily parlance. Regular chit-chats are replete with allusions and casual mentions to Karma and Destiny, like household subjects.  Krishna’a treatise on Karma, the beloved Hindu scripture, ‘Bhagawad Gita’ – has had innumerable translations by men of towering stature. It's popularly known as ‘The Gita Rahasya’ (the mystery of Gita) – and the phrase sums up the human dilemma about the good, the bad, the ugly and the unknown.

In very crude terms –  we interpret karma in terms of gain and loss. Whatever leads to a gain is a good karma and all that results in a loss is the bad karma. I feel such definitions are a little too myopic. Karma should serve as a stepping stone, like the one set by a hiker for his next step, as one tries to realize his purpose of existence. Gains or losses are a part and parcel of every event. How can they ever be the terminal indicators!

Many individuals, who come across as the believers of the ideology that they are the makers of their destiny, show up the chinks when they lose. One can see that they’ve given in to the thought that - All that makes you lose is devised by the people or circumstances around you and all that makes you gain is in accordance with your abilities. We are many a times one of them. It takes a heart to bear it all by yourself otherwise !

Whatever it is, however complicated or simple. I think it's a cake that each one cooks and has it too - through one birth or many. Perhaps the remedial lies in the word -  Chireveti ! Chireveti ! (Go On..)
 

Contradictions..

It's interesting. We are generally aware of our strengths and flaws, and perhaps those of people around. The fact remains that when we, with limited knowledge, are the frames of reference, the inferences are only relative or misconstrued..But then, it seems, we are programmed to draw them - to make some sense of this world !

Beside a personal or individual note - there are things which are prevalent and accepted facts, but delve deeper and you'd feel flummoxed at times. Laws are to ensure order and safety, but a closer look would unravel that they are meant for crime and for criminals, who break them. A rather symbiotic relationship between the two.  Police is meant for maintaining order - but its existence is relevant only when there's disorder. A doctor's profession of ensuring health, is relevant only when there is disease. An army is not needed when there is peace.Though that is the objective of having one in place. Talent - a personal, natural ability has no foundation without an audience and acceptance. There could be many more instances to exemplify.

We live in a world of bizarre contradictions. And a ricochet of such thoughts could keep one busy for a lifetime. Sometimes I feel that it's a concoction that has been given benign colors, which are otherwise the  dark schools of thought, that human mind is capable of. And it has been served down to generations - with not much of a rebellion. Or maybe its the fear that - 'If you knew that you would find a truth, That brings a pain that can't be soothed' (from the song - Change, Tracy Chapman) - that impresses upon us, to believe.

Not sure if it's an inherent lack of trust that is the cause of this fear, or despite knowing that we spend a short duration as a lifetime, our obsession with security- physical, mental and emotional, the reason !

Farce and Wide..

‘So this was about Appreciative Intelligence.

Let’s look at only what’s right with this world, you know, everything positive…’

‘Nice thought.. but Sir, How do you ignore all that is negative and wrong with it ?’

‘Yeah, good question.. Let’s open it up for the audience..

 Or we could do it later maybe.. it’s winters and we are awaited at home, we should leave..’

The group winds up for the day, I know it was an important question and it had been lost for good...

It’s never a fair idea to stick like a leech to things which emanate rot and decay, but how much would you defeat your own balking mind and your meandering experience, which is both sweet and sour.

Wanted to delve in a little with what’s wrong with this world. Things that I come across and those that have a deep impact !

To begin with the occupational hazards, those accrue with my job, and quite literally so. 

Perception and impression management are the things that were conveniently missed out of the JD. And believe me, that’s more than 50% of the job I do ! And a more troubling fact is that it is unabashedly accepted as a norm. And close to a 100% job being done by many !.

I’m treated like a lady in its closest approximation (strict approximation, may I say !). Though it misses  my idea by miles, there are people who think they know better… And to my sheer distress, I’m learning the sorry art of abusing privileges.

Well, my context has proven to be better than me in a lot of other ways. I just wished it hadn’t been such a bloody adversary. I would’ve been happier with a little less.. 

And then, there are cliques getting formed, in a rather sartorial way of patronizing cultures and languages. I find my contemporaries embracing European languages and culture (to an extent)over anything more at home. I understand economics, but let’s chew on this, a little:

Across the globe, we are losing 2 languages every month. Most, succumbing to English – as it has become the language of the currency and hence of people. It’s my preferred language too, but more as a lack of choice. My friends, even those learning languages for sheer literary pleasure, like to learn French or Italian, instead of the many ‘Indian’ languages. And many who feel a sense of shame in practicing the cultural practices (in ceremonies  etc.), because they look so pedestrian ! (Of course, need not to mention the frailties that have crept in because of the nonchalance..)

This, when the world is still deliberating on whether, globalization is proving to be a boon or a bane. Europe’s economic turmoil, global meltdowns have been definite repercussions of a highly integrated world.  And Russia has been better off as a part of CIS than being a huge USSR. Europe – in a hindsight ,would definitely weigh the option to dismantle EU as Dollar spends sleepless nights to retain its primacy..

To add more on what’s wrong :

There’s almost a 50:50 ratio of male/female populations. Till 90’s, all womanhood had just 1% share in real estate across the globe. I’m not sure how improved the figures stand today. And come to think of it, if as a penalty, your daughter or your wife or you, are sexually assaulted or raped or burnt, or for an exchange of a kg of salt, you part with a few kgs of dry fruits or you face unimaginable exploitation for generations and term ‘the disease of hunger’ as the cause of death or you find begging as a preferred occupation – where could you be ? We could’ve done well to prevent a world war III, but civil wars look impending !

These are the times of contextual morality. And it’s really sad when you have a first hand experience of the same. There’s a lot that I can only sense that’s within me, which would perhaps, not find an expression through words. And a lot that I can sense about the people around me, the impressions - which fade or reinforce with time.

 I would park my reservations on the subject here, but one thing that accentuates is, that, none of us knows the ‘truth’ of anything… , speculations are abound and we convince ourselves of our ‘knowledge’… , fear of losing is steadfast, even when nothing’s at stake! 

The Walk..

Onwards into the horizon,
Where the sun of my hopes and dreams,
Rises every morning,
And shines on my life's streams.

Beautiful is the oasis,
From which I sip the nectar of life,
And rejoice my fortune,
Which is swelling ripe.

But somewhere I love misery too,
More than what it spells for me -
For I feel hungry on a full stomach,
Tired on a restful day,
Engrossed, when the mind is in disarray.

I marvel at the shadows, I befriend,
And the pain I feel at their loss !
And still sleep in anticipation of finding,
Something new, something dearly sought..

         

Wanderings..

Deep in the recesses of my mind, I hear the silence of my soul.  The garden of life, rife with the flowers blossomed afresh and the ones wilted at the hands of neglect. There’s a charm in the rawness of it all, even as it looks a poser – beckoning to prune it with my own hands.  As I’m drawn to get to its core and let passion rule, the flurry leaves a confounded sense of disbelief. I believe, I do and I don’t and I have to or is it just convenient. I evolve, but really, do I ever..?

To come to think of the consequential, the eventualities that could stall a journey called life – not sure if even death comes close ! And to think of a journey replete with meaning would lead to what .. ? And meaning is but a word, or just another word. Having scaled the heights of a language, defined thoughts that are otherwise only the impressions on my mind, I reconcile with the universality of my being.  But sometimes the truth of distinction and difference is glaring even after giving it euphemistic hues. The veil of sobriety covering the most hideous of a face and a make believe existence of it being all right, can't take away the viciousness of it all. And the most innocuous of all the expressions, for all that looks beyond my reach, in mending the ways I want to tread, is a little sigh that escapes and another breath as almost an immediate after- effect, replaces it unabashed and hopeful.

How I have been flirting with my thoughts, as mere entertainer for my being, that rests disinterested and removed from the antics of a desperate another being in me, yearning for an experience, indulging in the shenanigans - understood to be the basis of a reasoned life. A constant push and pull and the ultimate crashing into an unknown everyday which I call a routine is what I fade into. 

I sometimes wonder at the legacy of hope showered on us by the very fact of our being human beings. And it would be so unfair to deny its play and its hold in keeping one from reducing to a bundle of shreds. I hear the laughter, the chatter, the groan, the cry all rolled up in one voice and that voice is mine too. I end up partaking my own share of rain and sunshine as I feel it on my skin and as I isolate from the fact that it percolates that - which exists.

The awe for the marvels we see in life is perhaps its very nemesis. In the realms of imagination- the glitter and shine of success, fame, eloquence, love, peace, joy and tranquility will keep moving the mountains and the seas, for I will believe.